Desires

As I look out the window of my living room, I feel a sense of gloom. My rhododendron bush is starting to bud. The tulips are starting to push through the surface too. Spring is just around the corner yet it makes me sad. Some may think that is crazy. Don't get me wrong, I will welcome the sun after a wet and gloomy winter. But I wanted more...

I wanted snow.

"They" said there would be snow, more than normal. We hardly got any! All we got is rain and more rain. We didn't even have any cool windstorms either!

I wanted snow... it is my heart's desire... It's what I long for and miss. I grew up with snow, lots of it. I miss the freshness of it, the brilliance of it, the quietness of it.

Here all we have is green. Some people like green but I like white. Pure white snow. It's like a blanket that covers all the ick and dead of winter. Just like Jesus covers us in pure white.

So this weekend we're headed up to the mountains. Hopefully we'll find some there but it isn't looking too great.

But I'm praying for it... praying that God fills my heart's desires...

A Toilet... really?

A friend of mines cousin received a toilet for her birthday this year. Yes seriously. Apparently her 5 yr old son picked it out for her. While I am sure that her husband and kids thought it was innocent and funny, deep down I don't think she did.

How does a toilet say you are loved deeply and worth it to us? Is DOESN'T!

As women we want to know that we are deeply loved and oh so worth it to people. We want to know that we are valued, that we mean more than a toilet. It is the essence of who we are as women.

God made us to bring beauty to the world. He made our hearts to yearn for love and romance. Now this doesn't mean that she needed chocolates, roses, a limo ride to the Space Needle necessarily. But it does mean she needed something that would speak to her.

I have friend whose birthday is Monday. For her birthday she spent the day at the Seattle Aquarium with her husband and kids. Then they went to a special dinner in Seattle. She wanted to be surrounded by the people she loves most. That is what spoke to her, it was her desire.

Another friend of mine went away to the ocean last weekend with her family. Also being surrounded by her family speaks to her. She also loves being at the ocean, it is what speaks to her, it was her desire.

There are so many different things that speak to each of us. God made us each unique. We all have our own hearts desires, our own things that speak just to us.

If these desires aren't met then things can get wonky. We tend to try to fill them with things that may not be so healthy. Or we may deny them and act like we're fine. But this isn't the way we were designed.

Jesus wants to "give us the desires of our heart" Psalm 37:4. When we delight him him, when we have a relationship with him, he wants to give us our desires. It's how he made us as women! It's how we bring beauty to the world!

I have some of my own desires that I have been pondering lately. (More to come on that)

But I ask you...

what are your heart's desires?

How are they being met?

Are they being met?

If not, why?

How does that feel?

What do you think Jesus would think of that?

A covering kind of love...

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."
1 Peter 4:8

Love covers all...

"God so loved the world that he sent his one and only begotten son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16

Love saves...

I have experienced both of these. I know that I am loved by God so much that he sent his only son to die for me. But in the last year I have lived them in ways that I never could have imagined.

Love covered sins committed against me. Love saved relationships. Love kept me whole.

Once again love covered all and saved someone I love...

I have a friend who struggles with some pretty heavy stuff. She goes through periods where she has harmed herself several times. I have gone through several periods with her when she is in this dark place. It is scary and frustrating to watch her experience such torment and know that she is worth so much more than what she is feeling.

This time I handled it differently because of what I have experienced in the last year.

I loved her. I told her that I loved her over and over. I told her that she was believing lies... that she was worth more than how she was feeling. I kept telling her that I loved her even when she called me "Tweedledum".

I just loved her like I am loved by the King. Just like he loves me... even in my darkness... even when I tell him I hate him.... even when I sin.

And because of love... she didn't hurt herself. God covered her in his love and saved her from hurting herself.

And I was blessed to be a witness to his glorious love and amazing power!

Love works. When it's just love... no hidden agendas, no walls, no opinions of what needs to be done, no judgment... just love.

God's love.

It's only because of Jesus am I able to love. He pours his love into me so that I can pour it out onto others. All I have to do is receive... I don't have to work for it. Just receive it as the gift that it is.

Love... it's that simple but so powerful.

Beauty

Beauty is the essence of a woman. God created us to bring beauty to the world. Unfortunately the world has twisted what this is supposed to mean but that is for another post!

Being the mom to a girl has it's own challenges... especially one that is just like me... Emotionally Expressive.

Emma used to be a girl who loved dresses and dressing up. For a couple of years she had enough holiday dresses to wear a different one each Sunday in December as well as on Christmas Eve! But as she has grown, she has moved away from dresses and is developing her own sense of style... and it doesn't involve dresses.

The other morning she was having a melt down because she didn't have anything to wear to church. Robert was patiently "forcing" her to wear a dress. (That was what she said... "Daddy is forcing me to wear a dress... boohoohoo!" I was getting ready myself and having a hard time trying to find something to wear. I could feel irritation rising up in me. What a way to start the day!

So I prayed. I prayed hard for God to reveal to me the truth and give me the words to speak....

and he did.

That is when I realized she was feeling the same thing I was...

not beautiful.

God created us to bring beauty to this world. He created us to feel beautiful. He created us to BE beauty!

So when we are struggling with looking and feeling beautiful... it's so hard. It's hard see the truth.. that we ARE beauty!

I went in her room to help. In the past I would have probably yelled and told her just to get ready and put something on because we needed to go! Now! What a way to get ready for church!

But this time I allowed God to use me...

I explained to her how I was also struggling with trying to find something to wear. I was struggling to feel good because I didn't feel good in any of the clothes I had picked.

That is when she got it. She realized that was how she was feeling too!

So we were able to find her something to wear where she felt good. And it wasn't a dress. We made it to church on time and she felt good!

Later on we celebrated our victory by going shopping and buying her a few more things so that she can feel beautiful!

Satan didn't win this battle because Jesus fought for our beauty and WON!

Furious Love

Have you witnessed God's furious love? What is furious love?

As I look back over my own live, I realize that I have. He had a plan for me from the beginning and never gave up on that plan.

Even when I turned my back on him.

Even when I choose to believe anything other than him.

Even when I told him that I hated him....

He never gave up on me.

He loves me so much that...

He moved me to WA to marry the man he wanted me to spend the rest of my life with...

He gave me a beautiful daughter that I didn't know I wanted...

He placed me at the Beth Moore conference years ago where I not only got to meet Beth Moore... but I accepted Jesus there....

He brought women into my life to teach me who he was. To teach me that I can be who I am and still love the Lord. I don't have to look a certain way or to act a certain way....

He made a way for me to attend a retreat in Colorado last year that changed my life forever...

He also...

allowed circumstances in my life that have been more painful and heart wrenching then I could ever imagine... but...

He also made sure I knew that he was with me through all of it.

He brought some of the most unlikely people into my life. People whom I may never be able to have a relationship if it wasn't for him and his furious love.

He has changed me in ways that I can not imagine or explain.

He loves me that much.

And will continue to love me...

even if I tell him that I hate him....

even when I put other things or people before him...

He will never stop loving me....

or you.

Love

Lately I have been realizing that the church has lost it's focus in many areas. They do a lot of things "right" but they have been doing a lot of things wrong as well. Of course this is bound to happen when people are involved.

It seems to me they have been forgetting the most important thing... love. They have gotten wrapped up in who is right, the rules and regulations, who is deemed worthy and qualified, what programs are needed to make people fit.

But this isn't what Jesus came to do. He came to love... to set us free... by loving us.

The word love is written over 300 times in the bible.

In a quick search on BibleGateway, the phrase "love one another" came up 19 times.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." John 13:34

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:35

"Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you." 2 Corinthians 13"11

"Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble." 1 Peter 3:8

We are to love one another, deeply. Jesus commanded us to.

Sure we say we love one another... but why are the statistics so high of divorce? Or why do so many people have a problem with Christians? Maybe because we forgot the who basis of what Jesus came to teach... love.

Love isn't a feeling. It is an action. It is a choice.

It is choosing to love someone even if they have wronged or hurt you in the deepest way.

It is choosing to accept and forgive.

It is stopping to say hello without just walking by.

It is setting yourself aside for others.

Love is perfect, however we are not. The only one who is perfect and perfect at loving is Jesus. We are far from perfect! Jesus loves us unconditionally, He would go to the ends of the earth for us... and already has not just once on the cross but in every moment of every day. There is nothing he would stop at to show us his love for us.

Then why is it we can't do the same? We fail to do something as simple as walk by without a hello. We fail to call others to see how they are doing. I fail miserably at this and more.

But I pray everyday that Jesus helps me, refines me, fills me with his love so that I can pour his love out for others. So that I can hug a homeless woman and tell her that she is loved... and really mean it. So that I can continue in relationships where I have been hurt. So that I can show his love to everyone.

Jesus wants to show us that he loves us. He wants to teach us how to love... The sad part is that we are blinded to it sometimes.

Sometimes it's obvious...

Sometimes it's not so obvious and we need to look for it...

Yet why do we stop so easily at showing others that we love them. It's not so difficult yet we do it all the time by...

walking by without a hello or acknowledgment

not forgiving someone

with the words we say that hurt

or the actions we choose

Jesus commanded us to love. It's that simple. Just love and forgive and love some more.... There isn't a formula or class to take to become qualified to love... you only have to choose to do it. Just read the over 300 passages in the bible about love...

The Dawn of a New Year

It's hard to believe we are approaching a new year... 2011. It's also hard to believe that we're into the 2000... almost 11 years into them! Sometimes I still think we're in the 1900s. But there are other times when the 1900s seem so old and ancient!

This time of year people like to reminisce about all the things that happened this past year. It seems like they always remember who died and what tragedies happened over the past year. What kind of happy thing is that to do? Why don't they look at all the great things that happened??

This year has been one of the hardest years I've ever had. There has been a lot of pain and loss. I've thought a lot about all that has happened just this year. It has been one tough year and sometimes thinking about all of it can really drag me down.

But when I look at where Jesus was in all of it... I see him right there in the middle of all of yuck while at the same time being right with me. He never left me or forsake me. Friends have left, family has passed on and crap has happened... but Jesus is still here.... and will continue to be in 2011 and evermore.

So instead of looking back at all the hard and painful moments of 2010... I thought I would look at all the amazing things that happened....

• Organized a life changing, powerful woman's retreat where several woman's lives were changed forever
  
• Traveled out of the country to Ecuador where peoples lives were saved (& made it back)
  
• Traveled to MI and realized how much I have changed and am not who I was
  
• Pulled off another great year of homeschooling with so many great experiences
• Met some amazing friends who have changed my life
• Celebrated 11 years of marriage... longer than a lot of people
• Celebrated 8 amazing years of being a mom
• Went through several of the hardest things in my life... and came out stronger because of them.

It's so easy to dwell on all the pain, loss and disasters of the past year... but instead we should look at all the amazing moments. And thank Jesus for being there in the thick of all the yuck as well as in the joy of the moments. Because if it wasn't for him... where would I be?