Thankful...

Today I am starting a new challenge. I was inspired to start this challenge from a blog that I have been following.

The challenge is to make a list of 1000 things I am thankful for. But not just thankful to anyone... thankful to my Lord who has provided these things, moments, opportunities, etc. He is a Lord who loves to lavish us with his gifts. So my list is dedicated to thanking him for all my gifts...

1. my journey
2. quiet mornings with a cup of coffee
3. cuddling with Emma
4. the unconditional love of my cat
5. the goofy dog
6. a great friend with an amazing heart
7. great conversations that go deep
8. the opportunity to homeschool
9. watching leaves fall from the trees
10. amazing sunsets

The Train

For awhile now I have felt like God has had me on some sort of "fast track" plan. It's not that I was expecting to learn everything then arrive at some special point. Nor was I thinking that I was going to gain some special knowledge that other people don't have. Because one of the things I have learned is that we don't arrive or graduate until the moment we're face to face with him. Living the Christian life is a continuing education program. Nor are we any higher or lower than anyone else. We are all equal in Jesus' eyes regardless of what we know.

I had a vision recently that I was on a train. While on this train I have been learning and experiencing things that have grown me, challenged me and prepared me. I have thought all along that the challenges and preparation was for a certain area in my life. But recent events have made me realize that God doesn't prepare us for just one thing, event or circumstance. He is a God of infinate wisdom and vision. His "classes" cover so much more than we can see. When you think he is preparing you for one thing, he is actually preparing you for so much more.

In my recent vision, the train has come to a stop. I saw myself stepping out to look around but not completely exiting the train. I have a fear that if I exit, it will leave without me and I will miss so much. The tide has been exciting and I don't want to leave it.

But I realized that this train cannot leave without me. Because this "train" isn't really a train that has a destination. This train is a personal train designed only for me and the engineer is God. The route he has me on is a personal route not designed for anyone else. He has also promised to never leave nor forsake me. Deuteronomy 31:6

I can sense that he is encouraging me to step off the train and have a look around. It's like when you arrive at your vacation destination, you want to go and see all that there is to see and do. There is an excitement and a hesitation... which way do I go first? Thankfully God isn't only the engineer, he is also the most experienced tour guide.

So I am choosing to step off the train to have a look around. Only the Lord knows what I'm going to find. I just need to be willing to be open for him to show me and to follow him. John 10:27 But I know from my own journey that no matter if I am on or off the train, it's going to be exciting, amazing and joyful. Because I have a God that knows the plans he has for me and can't wait to show me... Jeremiah 29:11

Relationship

"The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the surrounding influence and qualities produced by that relationship." My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers

So many Christians seem to miss this point. They seems to think that it's about what we do as Christians. Part of this is true, we are the be the light for him. But if we aren't connected to him, how can we have the power to be the light?

This is something that I struggle with. It's not that I don't want to connect with him, it's the distractions that get in the way. Not always bad things... housework, the computer, people, etc. Sometimes it's just being tired and not feeling like it.

That is when I realized something... if someone told me that they didn't feel like spending time with me, it would hurt! It would make me sad and feel that I am not worth their time. Plenty of people do this to me as I do it to others.

And this is how God feels when we choose other things over him... it hurts, he is sad... Wow... that makes me sad knowing that is how I treat him sometimes.

Something to remember when I don't feel like spending time with him, praying, reading the bible, etc.... It's not about feelings anyway, it's about being obedient.

Something else that I working through is what you put in... always comes out. This is really bothering me lately... but more for another post, for another day...

God's Love

Several months ago I began down a path to discover God's love. One of the things that I learned is how much God wants to show us his love. God doesn't have to prove that he is God. But he does want to show us his love... in so many ways.

He shows me in many different ways... from eagles to sunsets to the sky to hearts. He did it again today...

In all my pain and sorrow he wanted to show me how much he loves me. I have felt his presence so strongly this week and today saw it again.

Robert and Emma went camping last night. This morning the truck wouldn't start so I had to go up there to help jump it. Emma wanted to show me the creek so we walked down to it. At one point she held up a rock and said "Look Mom it's a heart rock!". So I decided to look around to see if I could find anymore...

Well I did...



He loves me that much to bring me to a place of his beauty and surround me with hearts...

"God is the strength of my heart" Psalm 73:26

Strength, crisis, faith...

A few months ago I put together a retreat for the ladies at our church. The theme was "Sacred Heart: ...God is the strength of my heart. Psalm 73:26". Little did I know what that really meant until now.

It's interesting how sometimes it takes a crisis in order to really feel God and see him. I have seen him perform many miracles in my journey but never this personal. He truly is the strength of my heart.

After experiencing the pain I have this week, I only got a minute touch of what Christ feels every single moment because of what his people are doing.

Even all those months ago... he knew exactly what was going to happen this week. He was preparing me then as he was a year ago as he is now. He is absolutely amazing... so much so that while my heart is breaking it is also bursting with his love and joy.

I pray that through all of this I am a stronger person because of him. I pray that I have more compassion for people. I pray that his will be done...

Less than 1 month to go...

I can't believe in a month from now, I will be in Ecuador. I am excited, nervous, scared, unsure, etc. I know that this is what God has been planning for me. It's just hard to believe that is is going to happen.

There is so much to do in the meantime. Everything from makes lists of things to bring, to packing the things we need to bring, to making sure all of our funds come in, memorizing scripture, daily devotionals, etc. At times I am completely overwhelmed with all that needs to be done.

But I know that I have a God who is in this with me. He will give me the words I need, the rest I need and the strength I need... I just need to look to him at all times...

I have a new favorite song... "Times" by Tenth Avenue North

It is one of those songs that just speaks to me.

It starts out him singing to God about being afraid to tell him of the things that he has done. About knowing he needs to love God. About needing to feel him. Oh how I feel this way!

Then it switches to him talking about God's love is everywhere.

Then it switches again to God singing to him. Just what I need to hear.

It is just powerful.

If you want to listen to it you can click here to go to Tenth Avenue North's site.

Here are the lyrics...

I know I need You
I need to love You
I love to see You, but it's been so long
I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
And I need to hear You, is that so wrong?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

Now You pull me near You
When we're close, I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You, all that I've done
Are You done forgiving?
Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I'm so tired of defending, what I've become
What have I become?

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.

I hear You say,
"My love is over. It's underneath.
It's inside. It's in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can't feel.
The times that you question, 'Is this for real? '
The times you're broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it's underneath.
It's inside, it's in between.
These times you're healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you're falling from grace.
The times you're hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache.
I'm there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow'r alone.
I don't care where you fall, where you have been.
I'll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends."

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.
Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Oh, oh.