Value

We have been immersed this week into the world of ballet and Nutcracker. It's Emma's first year doing both and my first year as a "ballet mom". I never really wanted to be a ballet mom. I always thought ballet people were snobby and catty. Part of this belief is from my own experience as a child with ballet. But this year I finally gave in and let Emma do ballet. We also allowed her to participate in the Nutcracker. Not only that but I signed up to volunteer. I really didn't want to do it since I "know how those ballet people are" but I also know how much things like this desperately need volunteers.

This is day 4 of my volunteering. I have helped out in various positions this week. I have to say as exhausted as I am (trying to keep a bunch of 7 yr old little girls quiet and still when they are bursting at the seams for their turn is beyond exhausting) it has been a lot of fun. I have enjoyed seeing what goes into doing a production like this as well I've enjoyed being with the girls.

However, something struck me this morning as I was praying for today and thinking about the last few days. The thing that has stood out the most for me is how kind and loving everyone is. As you can imagine the staff of the studio have their hands full with so much to do. But they have all been so kind to each other, to the girls and all the crazy (me) parents. Just like in my previous post about how Stephanie stopped to talk to Emma even though she was so busy. The atmosphere as crazy and electrified with excitement as it is... has also been calming and loving.

I know that most of this is because of them and their love and passion for each other and their dancers. But how much of it is also me? I say that because I think part of it is my attitude. I don't feel the need to be validated by them. I am not trying to been seen. I am not trying to feel validated because of what I do.

My value comes from Christ...alone.

And because I know that I am valuable, worth it and seen by him....so I don't need to get wrapped up in trying to be validated by them. Which gives me such freedom to just help. Just be there when I need to be there. Help in whatever way I can.

Because I am needed.... whether it's to touch up little girls makeup, to pray with my daughter because she misses her daddy or to fight the battle that I am called to fight.

I know I am needed, wanted and valuable....because of Him.

Do you see me?

Emma will be performing in the Nutcracker for the first time. She is full of excitement and nerves as you can imagine. Last night as we were standing it the hall of the theatre after a rehearsal, one of the owners of the dance studio where she takes dance stopped and talked to Emma. She asked her if she was excited and had a brief converstaion with her. I was impressed since Stephanie had been in the theater all night directing so it wasn't like she had a lot of time to stand around and chat.

Anyway, Emma has talked about that experience a few times since then. She told me that she felt special that Stephanie would stop and talk to her even though she doesn't know Emma. She felt worth it.

I've been thinking about that all day. Emma's deepest question is "do you see me? am I worth it?" Stephanie stopping and talking to Emma answered her question in that moment. At that moment, she felt worth it to someone, but not just anyone. This was someone who she viewed as special. After all Stephanie in her eyes is the ultimate ballerina, she owns a dance studio.

How often does that question go answered for us women? Too often? All the time? Has it ever been answered?

It's a question that I still struggle with at times... am I worth it? Why would they want to be my friend? Do they see me?

Here I am at 35 and still asking it. That question never goes away. Otherwise why would women spend billions of dollars a year on anti-aging products, makeup, clothing, hair, etc?

It's also asked at such an early age.... Emma is only 9 yet she's been asking it for many years already. It's the way the asks questions, it's how she tells every stranger we meet about how she's in the Nutcracker, it's why she cares about what she looks like.

But what if that question was never answered last night? What if it was never answered ever? What if the question is answered in a different way?

What if that question was answered only so that that boy got what he wanted? So that the question then never really gets answered since it was an empty answer?

So then how can the question be fully answered in a way that is fulfilling?

There is only one way... and that is by turning to Him. Asking Jesus if he sees me. Does he care? If so I desperately need him to show me...

The amazing thing is that he always does...

So go ahead... ask him....

Love from God

As we ventured out for a night of trick-or-treating, I was prompted to look up.

This is why....

It was a little love just for me from God. Just a little reminder of how much he loves me.

Colorado

I had the amazing opportunity to attend the Captivating Advanced Retreat in Colorado last month. I'm just now posting some pictures since I to process! Then our internet was down.

Colorado is amazing of course. The beauty there is breathtaking...

Here is a picture walking into the camp from the parking lot.

A beautiful sunrise on Friday morning. 

The afternoon sun over the valley and our camp. 

This is breathtaking. It looks like a postcard picture!

God's beauty in the details and his humor...

When I went to Captivating the last time, God's beauty was everywhere in the form of flowers. This time it was a little more difficult to find them. I think part of that was because we were at a high altitude as well as it was Octoberish when I went. I also had to look for his beauty in other ways...

And here is a bit of some humor! :-)

Blogging for Books

I recently read "You Were Born For This" by Bruce Wilkinson. It was a light yet good book about how God uses us to deliver his miracles. We tend to put God in a box which then squashes the things he can do through us.

The book is written in an easy to read, story style. I enjoyed reading about the ways God did some amazing miracles through the author and others. It reminded me to be open to what God wants to do through all of us if we let him.

I liked the practical ways the author gives to help others with where to start with being a miracle deliverer. They are easy yet such great reminders for those who are already doing it.

You can find it at Amazon.

Overflow

"For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks."
Matthew 12:34

These are some powerful words that were spoken by Jesus. The evidence is all around us. Look at the words that are now spoken on prime time TV, even Sponge Bob. Even the words that I have said lately have come from a hurt heart.

I was given some prophetic words lately from a friend. He saw me standing in a lake speaking. However I had an alligator type mouth. When he told me this, he kinda laughed because he said he didn't want me to take offense since he didn't know what it means. He said that the alligator mouth represented the power of my words in a positive way. However I also had the power to use them in a not so positive way too.

As soon as he said this, I was convicted by some things that I had recently said. He didn't know but I knew. I had recently said some things that were somewhat harsh. While I believed what I had said, I didn't need to use some of the words that I did.

I realize that these words were coming from that hurt place within my heart. It was a place of pain and bitterness due to recent experiences. It was also a place where Jesus' love and healing needed to reach. So I asked him to come to that place and heal it. Of course he did because he is so gentle and loving. Immediately I felt lighter, the heavy burden of pain was gone.

I never want to use my alligator mouth to hurt anyone or say things that I shouldn't. I have in the past and regret it. I want to use it to tell people of the powerful love of Jesus!

I pray that the Lord fills my heart with his goodness and healing so that it overflows with his joy. May the words of my alligator mouth be pleasing, uplifting and powerfully yours.