Core desires

After the beginning, God made man. He realized that it wasn't good for him to be alone. He needed a "help-mate", a partner, someone who completes him. So he created woman. He created them both in his own image. (Genesis 1:27)

But he didn't create woman to be just like man. He created her different. He created her in his image too. He gave her the parts of him that make her unique. He gave her desires... some of his desires.

One of these desires is to be pursued, to be wanted. God wants us to want him. He doesn't force himself on us. He stands at the door and knocks. (Revelation 3:20) He gave woman this desire too. We want to be wanted, to be needed, to be pursued. We don't want to have to force ourselves on people. We wanted to know in our hearts that we are worth it just as we are, broken and all. This is every little girls question... am I worth it, do you think I am lovely? Think of all the little girls that long to be watch as they dance around. Mine did & still does... and I am sure I did too.

This little girl has another core desire... to have a prince charming that will rescue her. Think of all the fairy tales and moves that do this. Every little girls has this desire set deep within her heart whether she acknowledges it or not. To be swept away whether on a white horse or in a fast car. Is she worth it to be rescued by a handsome prince?

The answers to these questions effect us deeply. If a little girl is told and shown that she is worth it then it will help her to grow into the beautiful woman God created her to be. If that same little girl is told or shown that she isn't worth it... there will be much pain and sorrow in her life. It doesn't take much to see this in our society today. All you need to do is look around at all the pornography, advertising, striving and more. So much pain and sorrow...

But this wounded little girl can grow into the beautiful woman that God created her to be too. Because it isn't ok with him for her to be left to rot. He will heal her and restore her to be the woman he wants her to be. Because with him all things are possible...

This wounded girl has grown up to be a beautiful woman. But it doesn't stop there because now she has to deal with "maintaining" her beauty. Not the exterior beauty but the interior. She has to treat her heart, her desires with care. Fortunately, she doesn't have to do this alone because she still has a mighty God who still sees her as the beautiful woman she is. But there are other forces now at work...

This woman has had other people who have come into her life, good people. These people too also have their own wounds that they are dealing with. But this woman still has her core desires and questions... is she worth it to others? Is she worth fighting for, worth having in other people's lives? Yet these questions are silently being answered with a loud no. So the woman retreats in more pain, more sorrow. She feels unwanted, unneeded, unloved again.

Not only that but this woman has a fierce enemy who wants to destroy her... Satan. (John 10:10) He will stop at nothing to destroy the desires her heart. He will fill her ears with lies. He will fuel the fire of thinking that no one loves her and it's all her fault. She was so needy in the past and still is... nothing has change. She is unlovable...

She begins to doubt that the prince really did come for her. Was it all just a dream? She really isn't worth the rescue... is she?

But the prince thinks she is worth it. But he is not Prince Charming on the white horse from Cinderella nor is he Fabio in a fast car. He is Jesus Christ. He has given this woman life! Not only life but life in the fullest! He will return again to restore her real beauty to the fullest. Because he knows that she is worth it! She is loved!

He will heal her pain and sorrow. He will reveal to her all that she is, all that she is meant to be. He reveals to her that she needs others to answer her desires with a resounding yes! He reveals to her that she is needed, desperately. He reveals to her that she is not the needy person she once was, she has been restored in Himself!

Yes this is the story of me... the story of so many women out there.... But it doesn't have to end here. It can actually begin here...

I still have an enemy who is out to do anything in his power to try to destroy me. I still have people who will hurt and disappoint me. But I have a Prince who is my life giver, my sustainer, my redeemer, my Lord. I have to continually look to him to fill me, restore me, heal me. In return he will do all that and more. He will put people in my life who will answer my questions with a resounding yes... all I have to do is ask and wait. He always fulfills his promises and always finishes what he starts (Philippians 1:6) And he never stops knocking.

In the meantime I choose to believe that I am a Beautiful Princess that is slowly being restored, healed and guided through this life through him. He who is the ultimate healer, guide and Savior. And in return maybe I can help answer another woman's questions with a resounding yes...

More thanks...

11. Sunday afternoon naps
12. waking up between the dog & cat
13. prayer
14. the touch and words of a friend during prayer
15. my freedom as a woman in our country

Thankful...

Today I am starting a new challenge. I was inspired to start this challenge from a blog that I have been following.

The challenge is to make a list of 1000 things I am thankful for. But not just thankful to anyone... thankful to my Lord who has provided these things, moments, opportunities, etc. He is a Lord who loves to lavish us with his gifts. So my list is dedicated to thanking him for all my gifts...

1. my journey
2. quiet mornings with a cup of coffee
3. cuddling with Emma
4. the unconditional love of my cat
5. the goofy dog
6. a great friend with an amazing heart
7. great conversations that go deep
8. the opportunity to homeschool
9. watching leaves fall from the trees
10. amazing sunsets

The Train

For awhile now I have felt like God has had me on some sort of "fast track" plan. It's not that I was expecting to learn everything then arrive at some special point. Nor was I thinking that I was going to gain some special knowledge that other people don't have. Because one of the things I have learned is that we don't arrive or graduate until the moment we're face to face with him. Living the Christian life is a continuing education program. Nor are we any higher or lower than anyone else. We are all equal in Jesus' eyes regardless of what we know.

I had a vision recently that I was on a train. While on this train I have been learning and experiencing things that have grown me, challenged me and prepared me. I have thought all along that the challenges and preparation was for a certain area in my life. But recent events have made me realize that God doesn't prepare us for just one thing, event or circumstance. He is a God of infinate wisdom and vision. His "classes" cover so much more than we can see. When you think he is preparing you for one thing, he is actually preparing you for so much more.

In my recent vision, the train has come to a stop. I saw myself stepping out to look around but not completely exiting the train. I have a fear that if I exit, it will leave without me and I will miss so much. The tide has been exciting and I don't want to leave it.

But I realized that this train cannot leave without me. Because this "train" isn't really a train that has a destination. This train is a personal train designed only for me and the engineer is God. The route he has me on is a personal route not designed for anyone else. He has also promised to never leave nor forsake me. Deuteronomy 31:6

I can sense that he is encouraging me to step off the train and have a look around. It's like when you arrive at your vacation destination, you want to go and see all that there is to see and do. There is an excitement and a hesitation... which way do I go first? Thankfully God isn't only the engineer, he is also the most experienced tour guide.

So I am choosing to step off the train to have a look around. Only the Lord knows what I'm going to find. I just need to be willing to be open for him to show me and to follow him. John 10:27 But I know from my own journey that no matter if I am on or off the train, it's going to be exciting, amazing and joyful. Because I have a God that knows the plans he has for me and can't wait to show me... Jeremiah 29:11

Relationship

"The most important aspect of Christianity is not the work we do, but the relationship we maintain and the surrounding influence and qualities produced by that relationship." My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers

So many Christians seem to miss this point. They seems to think that it's about what we do as Christians. Part of this is true, we are the be the light for him. But if we aren't connected to him, how can we have the power to be the light?

This is something that I struggle with. It's not that I don't want to connect with him, it's the distractions that get in the way. Not always bad things... housework, the computer, people, etc. Sometimes it's just being tired and not feeling like it.

That is when I realized something... if someone told me that they didn't feel like spending time with me, it would hurt! It would make me sad and feel that I am not worth their time. Plenty of people do this to me as I do it to others.

And this is how God feels when we choose other things over him... it hurts, he is sad... Wow... that makes me sad knowing that is how I treat him sometimes.

Something to remember when I don't feel like spending time with him, praying, reading the bible, etc.... It's not about feelings anyway, it's about being obedient.

Something else that I working through is what you put in... always comes out. This is really bothering me lately... but more for another post, for another day...

God's Love

Several months ago I began down a path to discover God's love. One of the things that I learned is how much God wants to show us his love. God doesn't have to prove that he is God. But he does want to show us his love... in so many ways.

He shows me in many different ways... from eagles to sunsets to the sky to hearts. He did it again today...

In all my pain and sorrow he wanted to show me how much he loves me. I have felt his presence so strongly this week and today saw it again.

Robert and Emma went camping last night. This morning the truck wouldn't start so I had to go up there to help jump it. Emma wanted to show me the creek so we walked down to it. At one point she held up a rock and said "Look Mom it's a heart rock!". So I decided to look around to see if I could find anymore...

Well I did...



He loves me that much to bring me to a place of his beauty and surround me with hearts...

"God is the strength of my heart" Psalm 73:26

Strength, crisis, faith...

A few months ago I put together a retreat for the ladies at our church. The theme was "Sacred Heart: ...God is the strength of my heart. Psalm 73:26". Little did I know what that really meant until now.

It's interesting how sometimes it takes a crisis in order to really feel God and see him. I have seen him perform many miracles in my journey but never this personal. He truly is the strength of my heart.

After experiencing the pain I have this week, I only got a minute touch of what Christ feels every single moment because of what his people are doing.

Even all those months ago... he knew exactly what was going to happen this week. He was preparing me then as he was a year ago as he is now. He is absolutely amazing... so much so that while my heart is breaking it is also bursting with his love and joy.

I pray that through all of this I am a stronger person because of him. I pray that I have more compassion for people. I pray that his will be done...