Intentionalism vs. Facebook (again)

I have a couple of disclaimers that I need to post first...

First - These are just my thoughts and opinions today of where I am at. Please don't read more into this than what I am saying.

Second - I do not like Facebook. I have posted the reasons already in a previous post. I think that it fosters shallow relationships that are not real. I could go on with additional reasons of my dislike for Facebook but that is for another post.

Ok now on to my actual post...

Today is my birthday. I wouldn't say that it's the best birthday I've ever had. My dad had open heart surgery yesterday. I wish that I would have gone to be there with him. My friend's grandma who I used to be close to died yesterday too. This is the 4th person to die on or around my birthday. My daughter slept over at a friend's house last night and I had to go pick her up early since there were some issues. On the way home, she had a melt down and screamed that she hated me. Which then resulted in a total family meltdown. Nice.

So needless to say, I am struggling a bit today.

But I am struggling with something else. I realized that last year on my birthday, I was at a retreat that I put together. I was surrounded by 70 or so women. It was an amazing and life changing weekend for so many, including me. Several of these women not only told me happy birthday but gave me cards, gifts and love. I also got to be part of so many womens lives changed because of it.

I also realized that last year I had a Facebook account. I remember logging on and seeing several of my "friends" post Happy Birthday on my wall. It made me feel loved and special.

But this year that didn't happen. I don't have Facebook anymore. I dropped it and am happy that I did. I also am at home spending time with my family. Which has been great for the post part. We have had a rough year so it's good to spend time together.

But what I started thinking about is how I missed all the Happy Birthdays. As a women, one of my core desires is to know that I am worth it and lovely. It's how God designed me as a woman.

I also thought again of how shallow Facebook is. It's easy to post Happy Birthday on someone's page when you log in and it reminds you that it's so&so's birthday. But is that intentional? Wouldn't it be more intentional to call someone and let them know you were thinking about them and wanted to wish them a Happy Birthday? Or even email them? Or text? At least it's a more intentional because you aren't seeing all the posts that other people have posted and then realize that you need to as well. Also no one is prompting you to do it.

It just seems so many people are living with false intimacy and relationships. They don't want to be real with one another because what if they are judged? What if the other person realizes that you aren't perfect? What if they see themselves in you?

But I don't want to live that way. I want to live from who I am. I am not perfect. I have made mistakes, especially in relationships. I want to live a life of intentionality, realness and intimacy. I want to live as the woman that God made. He made me with desires, dreams and apparently a love language.

I have recently realized that my love language is words of encouragement and quality time. I'm not sure what that means quite yet. But I realized that when my dad told my sister to tell me happy birthday only moments after having the ventilator removed... it moved me beyond words, only tears fell. I realized that he loved me beyond the pain that he was in.

In my journey, I have realized that I need to look first and foremost for love in my heavenly Father. When I look to him to fill me with his love, my other relationships fall into place. So I continued to look to God for my love... for the words that I need... and for the time. I also continue to pray for real, intimate relationships.

I also look to him to help me with my desires. He is the one who placed them in my heart. He even knows the secret desires that I am not even aware of. He knows of the ones that I am aware of too. He wants to fill those desires for me.

I also desired to be loved by others. I desire words of encouragement. I desire special quality time with the people that I love. I desire to know that I am loved by my friends and family.

I desire to be intentional. I desire to remember my loved ones birthdays. I desire to know their love languages so that they know that I love them.

And I KNOW in my heart that God will deliver on these desires....

All I have to do is stop, yield and go...

In the meantime... I will look to Jesus to sing Happy Birthday to me! Then everything else will fall into place....