Some much needed time away... 

He's not sure what to think...

This was the only cloud in the sky and it was right above me. At one point it was a heart but it changed before I could take a picture... 

Then it changed again...to someone smiling down inside a heart...  

My love

My love is over

It's underneath

It's inside 

It's in between

The times that you're healing

And when your heart breaks

The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace

The times that you're hurting

The times that you heal

The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal

In times of confusion

In chaos and pain

I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame

I'm there in your heart-ache

I'm there in the storm

My love I will keep you by my power alone

I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been

I'll never forsake you

My love never ends

It never ends

(Lyrics from Tenth Avenue North's "Times")


2008 Essential Tunes / West Main Music / Formerly Music (SESAC) All rights admin. by Sony/ATV Sounds LLC (SESAC)

Falling apart

I'm falling apart

I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart

That's still beating

In the pain

There is healing

In your name

I find meaning

So I'm holding on, I'm holdin on, I'm holdin on

Barely holding on to you

Lyrics from "Broken" by Lifehouse

Don't bother?

"Your daughter is dead," they said. "Why bother the teacher any more?" Mark 5:35

Ouch what a let down. This is from the story in Mark 5 of the synagogue ruler who begged Jesus to heal his dying daughter. Jesus agreed and began to follow the man. However he was intercepted on the way.

As he was traveling to the synagogue ruler's home, he realized that power had gone out of him. A bleeding woman had touched his cloak and was healed. He stopped to find out who she was. After a few moments she came forward and confessed to touching him. I'm sure there was several minutes of interaction here, a brief pit stop.

In the mean time... the daughter has died. Men from the synagogue's rulers house met them and said not to bother since she is dead. As I read this I can almost sense the attitude... "don't bother him. He let us down by helping this crazy bleeding woman... and now she is dead."

How devastating! Now the synagogue ruler could have let bitterness and anger take root right then. After all he was desperate enough to seek Jesus out as a last resort to heal his dying daughter. He was a "respectable" Jewish synagogue ruler. Jesus was still an amazement and so controversial.

But Jesus didn't let that happen. He ignored the men and said to the synagogue ruler, "Don't be afraid; just believe." I read it as if he was saying "Don't worry, I got this!"

The story continues on with him traveling to the synagogue ruler's home where he heals the girl. She immediately gets up, walks around and has something to eat. Another amazing miracle of Jesus.

However this morning... I read a little more into the story...

On the outside it may appear that Jesus got distracted by helping the bleeding woman. I can only imagine the turmoil that was going on in the synagogue ruler's heart. I'm sure he was thinking "hurry up! My daughter is dying while we are dealing with this crazy, unclean woman!" Then to have his men add salt to his wound by saying to give up since his daughter had died. Argh, I can't imagine the pain.

But Jesus is Jesus...he never forgets or lets go. While it may appear that he is busy with other people's stuff... he never forgets about our own. He always comes through in his own way and in his own time. He didn't give up on the father's plea to heal his daughter. He won't give up on our pleas either. He loves us too much to let that happen.

All we need to do is

"Don't be afraid; just believe."

Life Interrupted

For about the past 5 years or so, God has had me on an interesting fast track. At times I would equate it to a speeding train of spiritual knowledge.

I have grown so much and experienced a lot in these years. So much so, that some people are surprised when I tell them that it wasn't that long ago when I first accepted Jesus.

But lately this is how I have been feeling...

The train has derailed.

Life has been interrupted. 

A lot has happened in the last year or so. Many changes... not all bad but not all good either. God has orchestrated many of the changes. People have chosen others. And even I have made a few.

However, some of them haven't been easy. There have been many tears and "why God?"s. There has been a lot of wondering how this happened. Questioning what I have done.

I realize that we have seasons in life. As I blogged about recently... I am in winter. Frankly it kind of sucks.. What do you do in winter? Well here in the NW you look outside at the rain... a lot. This time of year is hard since it feels like it's been raining forever... ok only for about 6 months! But it feels like forever!

Or you could grab a good book, settle in and let the the soaking wash over you...

...and trust that spring will be here soon.

The train will be moving again...

The Land Between

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (Proverbs 4:23)

 

Rocks through a stream

I haven't blogged on here in a while as some friends keep reminding me. Part of this is because my laptop has been in a coma. The other part is because I am in the dead of winter. Not only because it is still winter where I live but because of the season of life that I am in. It's a season of darkness, dormantness (my word) and some growth. There is always growth of course. 

Tonight as I was attempting to fall asleep, God gave me a great picture and revelation.

The picture he gave me was me walking across a stream. But it was the kind where there were rocks that you could walk across so you wouldn't have to walk through the water. The stream wasn't very deep. But it was more fun to step across on the rocks than to just walk through it. 

As I was stepping along, some of the rocks slipped away or gave way as I stepped on them. This resulted in me getting wet. It wasn't the worst thing since I didn't injure myself or even worse, die. I just got a little wet which was uncomfortable and a little frustrating. However it did make me weary to take another step. But in order to get across the stream, I had to keep moving forward and stepping on the rocks. In the picture I stood there for a long time contemplating if I should continue to trust that the rest of the rocks wouldn't give way. 

When I asked Jesus to reveal to me what this all meant, it was beautiful and really spoke to me...

The rocks represented relationships. They were the supports that were put in my life to help me along my journey. However some relationships slip away due to the current or simply give way under the weight. Either was it resulted in me getting wet which led to me hesitating to take another step. 

But every time I hesitated, I felt prompted to try again and keep moving. Those rocks (relationships) were put there for a reason. While I didn't know before I took a step if they were going to be stable or not, the worst thing that would happen was I would get a little wet. That's when I realized that getting a little wet wasn't as bad as being injured or losing my life. Or even worse... losing out on a relationship that God had ordained for me. For such a time as this... 

As I laid in bed thinking about all of this, I realized God was speaking to me to take the next steps. I have been paralyzed for awhile now to continue one. But he was prompting me to take that next step forward whatever that looks like. And to trust him to lead me through... and if I do get a little wet... he'll be there to help me dry off...